BJU Press Blog

parenting

A Mother’s Nighttime Blessings

by

a homeschool mother's nighttime blessings
A good night’s sleep—that elusive goal of every mom—often remains underappreciated by the general population. If you’re like me, you’ve spent many long nights feeding hungry babies, nursing sick children, and comforting little ones.

I distinctly remember the exuberant joy I felt the first time my firstborn slept five hours straight at night—an event worthy of a Facebook status update! But unfortunately, that wasn’t the end of the sleepless nights. My little girl soon started teething. Then came the occasional ear infections, coughing spells, and stomach bugs. Summer thunderstorms rolled in, and imaginary nighttime monsters peeked into rooms. Sleep became like a much-longed-for-friend who only occasionally came to visit.

Confession

And I have a confession to make: I love sleeping. So at first I resented being awakened at 2:00 a.m. by a screaming child. I longed to be able to push a “pause” button on mothering and snuggle under the covers for a good nap. But mothering, as you well know, does not fit into a tidy 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. schedule. It never stops.

I don’t think I will ever manage being woken at 2:00 a.m. with a smile on my face. But the Lord has been showing me how I can make the best of these unexpected wake-up calls.

Focus

Even though it is often more difficult in the nighttime hours, I can focus on exemplifying Christ to my children. Several times the Gospels tell us of how Christ had compassion on the multitudes even when He was physically weary. He never complained. He never sent them away. When I get up in the middle of the night to take care of my children, more than just being a good mom, I am living the love of Christ for them.

Additionally, these nighttime adventures provide me with more opportunities to fulfill the commandment of Deuteronomy 6:7 to talk to our children continually about God. When my little one is awakened from a nightmare or by a bad storm, I can comfort her with reminders that God is always watching over us, protecting His sons and daughters. When I’m rocking a sick child back to sleep, I can sing songs about God’s love and mercy.

And most of all, when I’m lacking sleep, I am continually reminded of my need to rely on the Lord’s strength. With countless other sleep-deprived moms, I echo the psalmist in Psalm 73:26, “My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.”

Ultimately, at the end of the long days that follow the sleepless nights, I am most blessed when I realize again that the Lord has sustained me.

Save

Learning to Trust God for Your Harvest

by

harvest
We think of autumn as the season of harvest. Even with the conveniences of grocery stores and restaurants, we all look forward to the cooler weather that brings fresh apples, blackberries, sweet potatoes, squash, and pumpkins to the produce aisle. For all the difficulties that a life on a farm involves, it must be rewarding to gather in the harvest. Imagine finally seeing the results of all the effort you’ve put into planting and maintaining the fields for those long months!

Tending to Your Family

Don’t we sometimes think about homeschooling and parenting the same way—wishing that the family were like a garden plot so that our diligent work throughout spring and summer would yield the satisfaction of tangible results by autumn? But tending a family is a year-round occupation. Homeschooling never ends—not even when the yellow school buses make their rounds at the end of the school day. We may hand out final grades to our children as the school year closes, but rarely do we get to see a final assessment or “harvest” of our work—there’s no concrete evaluation of our overall success level.

Instead, our harvest comes in bits and pieces as our children grow. When a daughter finally understands multiplication, when a son learns to ride his bike without training wheels, when brothers and sisters help each other and unselfishly share their toys (OK, so maybe we’re still working on that one!)—these are the things that show us that the time and effort and prayer we have put into our children’s lives are bearing fruit.

The difficulty comes when not all the plants in our home garden flourish. With some of our children, we can’t help but wonder whether we will ever see a harvest ripened and ready in their lives. “Where did I go wrong?” we wonder. “Did I use the wrong seed? Overwater? Hurt the roots when trying to pull the weeds?” Sometimes we plant, tend, and do everything we can think of, but instead of the fruit of the Spirit, we see only self-centeredness, pride, and rebellion. What can we do when the seeds we’ve tried so hard to cultivate seem to lie dormant or dead in the soil—when instead of producing godly fruit, a child prefers to sow “wild oats,” heedless of the harvest they will yield?

As much as we would like it to be, Proverbs 22:6 is not an ironclad promise—a guarantee that if we hold up our end of the bargain, God will make sure our children turn out all right. Instead it is an exhortation, wisdom we will never go wrong in following. “Train up a child. . . .” Plant, plow, tend, weed, water. Do everything we can to help these plants grow and flourish. And then? Step back in prayer and watch the Lord give the increase (1 Corinthians 3:7).

Waiting for the Harvest

Of course, stepping back to watch is never easy. But the farmer can’t be constantly digging around the roots of his wheat to see whether it is growing right. He can’t pull back the husks from every ear of corn to see whether the kernals are forming properly. No, the farmer has to wait and trust that the God who grew the Garden of Eden is also watching over his fields. And we have to watch our children make decisions for themselves daily. We can and should guide, sometimes even override, those decisions while the children are young, but there comes a point when they must answer for their own actions.

Search your own heart. Are you are walking with God as He requires? That’s all you can control. Don’t carry the weight of guilt for their actions when God doesn’t ask you to bear it. We all make mistakes. We sin. He knows—He died to save us from sin. And He also chose each one of us specifically to parent our specific children. Even when hopes, goals, personalities, and tastes seem to clash horribly between parent and child, God has a good purpose in store.

One of the dictionary definitions of harvest is “a supply of anything gathered at maturity and stowed.” None of us has reached full maturity yet. Do you feel ready to stand before God today, or would you like time to grow more? The same is true of our children, whether they appear to be flourishing, yielding a bumper crop of the good things we hope to see, or they are simply alive, tenaciously clinging to the dirt. We must give them—give ourselves—time to grow.

Trusting the Lord of the Harvest

The harvest we wait for may take much longer to ripen than autumn’s golden pumpkins. It’s possible that we won’t even get to see or share in the fruit of our love-labors. But that’s all the more reason to trust the Lord of the Harvest. He knows each unrolling leaf and bud, each bug and blight, and every different season that will be a part of our children’s growth. We may sow the seeds, but it’s God who gives the rain, sun, and life. Don’t give up hope in times of drought. Don’t uproot the browning stems even when plants appear dead—you don’t know what life still flows despite the brown leaves.

Trust the Lord of the Harvest. And in your trusting, give thanks that He has the greatest stake in the harvest for which you’re both waiting. Hasn’t He even given His Son to bring it in? Give thanks that He knows the outcome and that whatever the harvest yields, God is still and always will be good. And He delights in helping His children—of every age—to flourish “like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season” (Psalm 1:3).

3 Things My Homeschool Curriculum Can’t Do

by

Family with Curriculum

Walking into the exhibit hall at a homeschool convention can be an overwhelming experience. There are so many booths! Just like at a bazaar, you can buy fresh food, legal advice, blankets, oddities, and toys. At one convention, I picked up some hair styling devices for my daughters.

And then there are the curriculum providers. The options seem endless. There are Charlotte Mason materials, literature- based programs, and traditional curriculums. At some conventions, you’ll find more than a half dozen providers of classical homeschooling curriculum alone. With so many options how do you choose?

A curriculum helps you package content, create learning experiences, and stay on track. It can do quite a bit to make homeschooling successful. But as much as a curriculum can do, it can’t make my child learn. Learning is what happens inside of my child. Curriculum provides information that is outside my child.

When it comes to how to choose a homeschool curriculum, I think it is important to consider what a curriculum can’t do.

1. No homeschool curriculum can love my child as an individual.

Everyone creating homeschooling curriculum loves children. But they can’t love my child as a unique person. Only my wife and I can do that.

Children need to know that the person teaching them loves and wants what is best for them. Education requires a lot of work on my daughter’s part. For my child to learn and grow, she must have the assurance that her effort is worthwhile. If she suspects that the person providing the information and teaching the skills doesn’t care about her well-being, she won’t internalize the content.

Individualized love is what makes classroom teaching so challenging. A classroom teacher must establish a relationship of trust with each child in a group of  twenty or thirty students. And the teacher must do that every single year. A loving home provides that individualized love naturally.

2. No homeschool curriculum can create accountability for learning.

Since learning happens on the inside, we can’t just put educational content around a child and expect learning to take place. I’ve seen this failure several times with my daughter. We handed her an assigned reading or exercise, and she went through the motions without engaging her mind in the learning. As a result, the information just poured through her head like water into a bucket with a hole in the bottom.

Children need to know that their parents care enough about them to ensure they’ve got it. Whenever our daughter becomes lackadaisical in her learning, we correct the attitude and show her that she must internalize the information and skills. She has been quick to respond, not only taking responsibility for her learning but also enjoying it.

3. No homeschool curriculum can challenge my child to do his or her personal best.

Each child is different. Sometimes a child misses every fourth question on chemistry tests, but you know he’s doing his best. Other times, you can tell your child is getting a hundred percent of the questions right but isn’t doing his best.

There was a time when my wife and I saw our daughter getting perfect scores in two subjects, but she wasn’t trying her hardest. So we talked to her about it and started writing harder tests. At first she didn’t think it was fair. But by the end of the year, she was excelling and was satisfied that she had done her personal best.

Homeschool curriculum presents information in an engaging way. It gives roadmaps for learning so that children are ready for the next step. Curriculum can also provide activities that develop skills and deep understanding. But it cannot create a nurturing environment in which children know that they’re loved, that the learning is for their benefit, and that they will always be challenged to do their best. Only a parent can provide that environment.

The Creation Blessing

by

Often when I leave for work, I say goodbye to my wife and children by offering good wishes. Have you ever thought about the common phrase “have a nice day”? Grammatically, it’s an imperative or command like “be good!”  The way it looks on paper it could be followed up with “or else” as in “have a nice day or else . . .” But no one ever says it that way. We say it more like “may you have a nice day.” We’re actually blessing one another in the form of a command.

Divine Blessing

In Genesis 1:28 we read about a blessing given in the form of a command. After creating humans male and female in His own image, God blessed them. The wording of this blessing is a command; so we often refer to it as the Creation Mandate.

Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

The-Garden-of-Eden

Divine Command

Unlike our good wishes, God’s blessing carries the weight of a command. We shouldn’t resist His blessing from Genesis 1:28 and expect things to go well for us. For example, in Genesis 11 Noah’s descendants rejected God’s command and all gathered in one place to build the tower of Babel. As a result of their sin, God confused their language and sent the people throughout the world.

Unbelievers can share in God’s blessing by following the Creation Mandate. In fact, many do. In BJU Press science and math textbooks, we highlight how scientists and mathematicians use their knowledge of God’s world to “have dominion.” They use their skill to care for the creation and use the creation for others’ benefit. Many of those professionals following the Creation Mandate are experiencing the common grace of God’s creation blessing in their lives.

Divine Reach

Because I’m human, the blessings I speak are little more than well-wishing. I may say, “I hope you have a nice day.” But while I’m at work, I have little immediate control over what happens at home, and some days my wife feels overwhelmed. In contrast, God’s blessing on the first man and woman had power behind it to confer that blessing on all of humanity.

God’s power is infinite, so His action in Genesis 1:28 reaches through time and space to all people. Not even the Fall overthrew His blessing to fill the earth and exercise dominion. The long line of impressive civilizations throughout history with all their remarkable achievements, technological advancements, and beautiful artwork evidences God’s power and kindness to humanity expressed in His first words to mankind.

As parents, we have a tremendous opportunity to demonstrate God’s blessing. We get to teach our children how to follow God’s blessing to care for the world. Since our teaching is influenced by the textbooks we use, it’s important to choose a homeschool curriculum that reinforces the truth of God’s creation blessing.

I Am a Mom and a Teacher Too

by

Girl sitting outside on a picnic blanket reading a book to her doll

As a stay-at-home mom of three, my days are filled with teaching moments. Today, I taught my oldest what kind of clothing is appropriate for playing outside in eighty-degree weather. I taught my preschooler how to respond when her baby sister pulls her hair. I taught my youngest that putting plastic beads in her mouth is a bad idea.

Some days, it seems like my children don’t listen to a thing I say. I don’t seem to be making any progress, and I wonder if I will always have to remind them to pick their clothes up off the floor, brush their teeth in the morning, and use a fork when eating their green beans.

But then there are moments when I get to silently observe my oldest two children at play. I watch them play with their dolls. Sometimes they are taking their “children” to church and sometimes they are feeding them a snack or putting them to bed. My daughters talk to their dolls, and, as I listen, I realize they sound exactly like me. Their words are like mine. Their tone is like mine. Their actions are like mine. It is then that I realize that they are listening. And they are learning from me, even when I don’t realize it.

It’s a little scary to realize that small people are constantly watching me and mimicking everything I do. What am I teaching them? I’m not just teaching them about how to do simple chores around the house, practice good hygiene, recognize their alphabet, and count to a hundred. I’m teaching them about life. I’m teaching them how to relate to other people. I’m teaching them what it means to be a Christian wife and mother.

I’m not perfect. There’s a lot about me that I hope my children will never mimic.  But teaching my children is not something that I can shy away from. My only hope is the only hope I need—God. More and more, I find myself on my knees begging for the grace and strength to lead my children in the paths of righteousness. I pray for the fortitude to get up and try again after yet another miserable failure. I pray for wisdom and discernment to know what and when to teach them. And God always answers. He always provides what I need.

As I write this, my children are napping. When they wake up we will have a snack and then take a walk to a nearby playground. As we walk, I will try to point out all the wonderful things that God created, but we will probably end up talking about whatever random things come to their minds. They might not let me talk at all. But even if I don’t speak a single word, I will be teaching. And they will be learning.