BJU Press Blog

parenting

God-Centered Self Care

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use your Bible for God-centered self care
I had to laugh at a recent advertising slogan I saw: “Mac and cheese is self-care.” As I thought about this matter of self-care, I realized that we don’t usually neglect to take care of ourselves. The problem is we tend to allow the world, our feelings, or our friends to dictate how we “self-care.” In every area of life, our purpose should be to bring glory to God, and this includes taking care of ourselves. If we do this selfishly, it will end up only hurting us and our families.

So what is the right way to approach this issue of self-care? As in all other aspects of life, we can look to Jesus, our perfect example. Though fully God, He was also fully human and experienced human needs. Jesus spent His earthly life serving others, but He also took time to take care of Himself in two main ways.

Read more about spiritual self-care…

4 Tips for Creating a Positive Tone in Your Homeschool

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mother daughter with positive tone
Homeschooling is hard. Parenting is even harder. We homeschool parents probably have it the hardest of all—we have to be both the teacher and the parent all day long. This dual role can be a blessing. We have the opportunity to deal with character issues that would likely not be addressed if our child sat in a traditional classroom. But wearing both hats can also be deeply discouraging. Without a positive tone in our homeschool, we may feel like we are constantly having to correct our children. We’re correcting their schoolwork, their attitudes, and wrong behavior. Correction, correction, correction. All. Day. Long.

We homeschool parents have a unique superpower—we set the tone of the atmosphere in our homes. Have you ever noticed that when you are feeling grumpy everyone in your house gets grumpy too? The same phenomena happens when we are full of joy. It’s contagious. So if we want to change the tone in our home away from the constant doom and gloom of correction, we are going to need to change both our words and our actions. Here are some ways to get you started on creating a positive tone in your homeschool.

Read tips for creating a positive tone in your homeschool!

Communication: The Key to Parenting

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communication is key
As homeschooling parents, we understand the importance of clear communication. If our children don’t get what we’re trying to teach them in school and life, they’ll struggle academically, socially, and spiritually. We also understand that we have more opportunities than others to develop good communication with our children. We have them home with us all day. Each day we have hundreds of opportunities to create healthy communication habits for ourselves and for them. We all have room for improvement in our communication habits, so let’s look at some tips to help us become better communicators.

Just Saying

First, know what you want to say. You’ve heard the old adage, “Say what you mean and mean what you say.” That’s a good rule to follow! Be as clear as you can when telling your children what you expect them to do. For example, there’s a big difference between saying “finish your math” and saying “do problems 1 through 10 on page 30.”

If we don’t tell our children exactly what we expect from them, they’re likely to get confused and frustrated. Also, we can’t always assume that our children understood or even heard all of our instructions. Distractions—other children, pets, a large house, or guests—can override what you’re trying to communicate. A good way to make sure they understand is to ask them to repeat what you just told them.

Location, Location

Be mindful of where you are and what’s going on around you. Background noises in the room you’re in, or another room, can make it much harder for your children to hear and understand what you say, or vice versa. As often as possible, try to be in the same room as your children when you’re talking. Of course, that goes without saying when you’re teaching, but it’s a good practice to have all the time. It can be fun to holler down the hallway to talk, but not at the expense of clear communication.

Focus, Please

We’re surrounded by things that suck up our attention and block out the rest of the world. Buzzing phones and blaring TVs, crying children, dishwashers, washing machines—there are so many noises surrounding us at all times. Those noises can be the death of clear communication. If you want to have a meaningful conversation with your children, make sure you have their full attention. If they’re distracted while you’re talking to them, chances are, they won’t remember what you say.

On the flip side, make sure your children have your full attention when they want to talk to you. Texting, talking on the phone, scrolling through Facebook or checking email can wait when your children are trying to talk with you. They need to know you care enough to stop, look them in the eye, and listen. If you have to finish a text or an email before you can give your full attention, use a signal to let them know that you know they want to speak and that you’ll stop and listen to them as soon as you can.

Watch Your Tone

How we say something is just as important as what we say. It can be hard to teach children how to control their tones, especially if we struggle to do the same ourselves. Our tone of voice can communicate something entirely different from our words, and it certainly affects the way our children respond to us and how we respond to them. Children are excellent at picking up on attitudes and thoughts we have hidden in our tone. As impatient or frustrated as you might be with a situation or a certain kind of behavior, remember that letting that frustration into your tone will change the meaning of everything you say. A reminder to finish homework can come across as a punishment or an expression of disappointment—even if you didn’t mean either.

Remember the exhortation in Colossians 3:21. According to the Amplified Bible’s translation, it says, “Do not provoke or irritate or exasperate your children . . . so they will not lose heart and become discouraged or unmotivated [with their spirits broken.]” One unkind remark can undo hours of loving instruction. One snappy retort can erect a wall of resentment between you and your child. We must rely on the power of God to help us. Only He can master our tongues (and voices) so the law of kindness can reign in them. And when we do speak in a harsh tone of voice, we need to make it right as soon as possible. Immediately confess it to the Lord and ask your child to forgive you. Yes, it’s humbling (as I can well testify!), but if we are to maintain a right relationship with our children, it’s imperative. The best way to show our children how to control their tongue is to become masters of our own.

Communication in Body Language

If you have a teenager, you’re more than aware of how frustrating it is when your children roll their eyes or sigh at everything you say. It’s like they’re shouting “I don’t care what you say” or “you can’t tell me what to do.” In addition to our tones, what we’re saying, and our environment, we also need to be mindful of what we’re communicating through facial expressions, posture, and gestures. And we need to help our children understand what their bodies communicate, too.

How we use our bodies while we’re talking can influence our conversations in either a positive or negative way. For example, try not to cross your arms, roll your eyes, sigh, shake your head, or tap your foot during a discussion; all of these gestures can undermine healthy communication. By using positive gestures, like nodding or leaning forward, we can encourage a healthy conversation despite what either party might be feeling.

The Main Goal for Communication

Remember the purpose of communication: to glorify God by building others up with our words. God has given us the gift of language so we can encourage, motivate, and inspire others toward greater Christlikeness. He has also given us His own Word, Holy Spirit, and power to guide our communication. A wonderful scripture to pray each day is Psalm 19:14, “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.”

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Jennifer is a pastor’s wife and mom of two young girls and loves homeschooling them. During her own twelve years of being homeschooled, Jennifer developed a passion for reading and writing. She earned a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and relishes writing during her free time.

When Life Happens, But School Doesn’t

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life happens
You had big plans this morning; lesson plans prepared, schoolbooks and supplies laid out, desks cleaned and organized. Projects and tests were going to be completed, units were going to be finished—you were even going to get ahead! But sometimes, life happens and school doesn’t.

Derailed Plans

Instead of helping to solve math equations, you had to resolve conflicts between siblings. Your toddler decided to conduct his own “science experiment” in the bathroom, which caused an extra hour of work for you to clean up. So you had to replace history lessons with lessons on obedience and respect. And potty training replaced spelling. On top of all this, you had the normal household responsibilities of laundry, cleaning, and meal prep. In between, there were nap times, diaper changes, and feedings. Just when it looked like you’d be able to squeeze in some school time, you had to hustle the kids off to music lessons and sports practices. When you got home, it was time to fix dinner. It was all you could do to make it to the kids’ bedtime so you could crash on the sofa and reclaim a little bit of your sanity.

Low Ebb

Weary, discouraged, and frustrated may best describe you at this moment. You may be tempted to think that you failed because you didn’t get any schoolwork accomplished. It’s easy to think that today was a total waste because all you had time for was that other stuff. You may be surveying a room strewn with toys that didn’t get put away before bed. You might be inwardly groaning at the thin layer of dust on the furniture you didn’t get to clean. But before you unload your frustrations on your husband or on Facebook, take a moment to hear from the experiences of a fellow homeschool mom who’s been right where you are.

Hope for Tomorrow

Let me reassure you by saying that these days are not a waste. When my daughters were little, I sometimes felt like all I did was correct, discipline, chase after them, and clean up after them. I’ve also cried out, disheartened, with, “I got nothing done today!” But I also learned something: education is important, but it cannot replace godly parenting. Sometimes you have to delay school so you can be the wife and mom you’re meant to be. Our first priority must be to “train up a child in the way he should go” (Prov. 22:6). When you choose to put God and your family first, you are teaching your children an invaluable lesson. They will see that you value them—and God—more than lesson plans, good grades, or a clean house. Commit each day to God. Try to make school happen. But even if only life happens, remember that it can happen for God’s glory if we live the day for Him.

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Jennifer is a pastor’s wife and mom of two young girls and loves homeschooling them. During her own twelve years of being homeschooled, Jennifer developed a passion for reading and writing. She earned a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and relishes writing during her free time.

Time Flies, So Make It Count

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spending time with children
Recently my husband and I had a conversation that went something like this:

“Can you believe it’s almost time to start school again?”

“No, it seems like we just ordered last year’s materials!”

You can probably relate; and like us, you realize just how quickly the weeks, months, and years are speeding by. The time we still have left with our children at home will be over before we know it; and a good question to ask is, “Are we making the most of the opportunities we have with our children?” Ephesians 5:16 exhorts us to be “redeeming the time, because the days are evil.” The beginning phrase can also be translated as “making the best use of the time.” God wants us as parents to make the best use of the time He has given us with our children. How can we do that?

Time In School

As homeschoolers, we have chosen the role of teacher. Therefore, we have to make sure that our children are getting the most out of their education. This means taking time to assess our children’s academic growth. Are they developing critical thinking skills? Do they know how to accurately apply logic and reasoning in solving problems? Are they forming solid studying habits? Just getting them to complete their assignments and take their tests isn’t enough to redeem the time.

Outside School

In a world where parents and kids are busy with their own separate pursuits, it’s especially important to do family activities. As homeschoolers, we are obviously with our children a lot, but it’s crucial to make family time outside of school. Take walks, play board games, go bowling, throw a Frisbee®, catch fireflies—the list could go on and on. It’s not about doing huge exciting things; it’s about enjoying simple moments with our children, making memories, and drawing closer to each other.

Round the Clock

But the greatest way we can redeem the time is by reading and discussing God’s Word and praying together. Not just at breakfast or bedtime but throughout the day as various circumstances arise. Every success and every failure is an opportunity to teach our children about God and His Word. Deuteronomy 6:7 admonishes us to teach our children His Word when we’re sitting at home, when we’re going places, when we go to bed, and when we get up in the morning—in short, every chance we get! That means we as parents have to constantly keep our minds on eternal spiritual matters so we’ll be ready to engage our children in God-centered conversations. This doesn’t come easily. We have to put a lot of thought and effort into it, but isn’t it worth it? Time is flying, so let’s make the most of it!

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Jennifer is a pastor’s wife and mom of two young girls and loves homeschooling them. During her own twelve years of being homeschooled, Jennifer developed a passion for reading and writing. She earned a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and relishes writing during her free time.