BJU Press Blog

friendship

7 Ways to Help Your Child Be a True Friend

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making a friendHaving friends—and being a friend—is important for every child. Good friends provide emotional support, companionship, and love. They help your children to develop social graces and to understand people with backgrounds and perspectives different from their own.

Becoming a good friend doesn’t happen by accident; like many important skills, it requires some guidance and training. Whether you choose to educate your children at home, in a private or Christian school, or in public school, teaching your child how to be a true friend is part of your role as a parent.

1. Greeting People

The best way to make a friend is to be one.  As the Bible says, “A man that hath friends must show himself friendly” (Proverbs 18:24). Does your child know how to start and end a conversation? Is he or she comfortable approaching and greeting new people or familiar acquaintances? Before a social situation, you can be your child’s coach and offer some tips about making new friends and greeting old friends.

2. Paying Attention

Is your child relaxed when talking to others? Does he or she remember to smile? Teach your child how to ask questions and take an interest in what others are saying. Help him or her learn to make good eye contact with someone during a conversation.

3. Practicing Social Graces

Purposely place your children in settings that compel them to use social skills. If a child is shy or uncomfortable in certain situations, invent fun ways to role-play those scenarios at home until he or she feels more comfortable.

4. Explaining Etiquette

Depending on their age and permitted use of technology, your children should be able to compose a congenial letter or email to a friend, as well as send a polite, correctly spelled text. Role-play the correct way to answer the phone or close out a phone conversation. To teach the proper etiquette to use at a party or another social event, why not host a pretend dinner party, complete with invitations and RSVP cards?

5. Sacrificing Self

Friendships are not one-sided but should enrich, inspire, and help both people in the relationship. A genuine friend puts time, love, and effort into the relationship, without the expectation of being repaid. Christ said, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). For younger kids, that idea of self-sacrifice could begin with sharing toys or participating in games that the other person wants to play.

6. Learning Value

Teach your children to treasure their friends. Those friendships enrich your kids’ lives and personalities, as well as allowing them to share their gifts and blessings with others. Expressing gratitude to a friend through a note, an email, or a phone call is a wonderful way to teach your kids to appreciate their friends.

7. Praying to Their Best Friend

God is the most important friend your children will ever have. Jesus told his disciples, “Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you” (John 15:14). Through prayer, Bible reading, and obedience to God’s Word, your kids can have a close friendship with their Creator.

While perseverance, creativity, and intelligence help determine a child’s pathway in life, creating quality friendships may be just as crucial to future success. Even the Lord Jesus had His friends on earth, including the twelve disciples and others, with Peter, James, and John being His closest earthly relationships. With your help, your children can begin learning the value of making and keeping true friends.

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Rebecca is a work-at-home freelance writer, novelist, wife, and the mom of two bright-eyed little ones. She credits her success in writing and her love of books to her own mom, who homeschooled three kids from pre-K through high school.

The Story Behind Buttercup Hill

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Almost every fable has a story behind the story. On the surface we see fanciful animal characters engaged in lively action, but the story is carefully crafted to touch on a real-life truth. Buttercup Hill is a fable that tells a deeper story than the surface one. It shares a lesson that I learned somewhat painfully, but a lesson well worth learning.

BJU Press book cover for Buttercup Hill by Eileen Berry

The lesson began with a few simple statements that I’ve never forgotten. For several years I had worked in a ministry to children in a needy neighborhood. One of the people our group was attempting to serve leveled a rather harsh accusation at our ministry. “You don’t really care about us. You just come out of your fortress to do good deeds and then go running back. You don’t really want to get to know us.” Although I didn’t feel like the accusation was completely accurate, it cut me deeply. I knew that, although I dedicated time each week to the ministry, I hadn’t been doing all I could to really be a friend to these needy families. That comment resulted in a lot of prayerful thought about what else I could be doing for the families I was trying to serve. I could invite a child to be my guest for a special event. I could open my home for cookie baking. I could volunteer at a school. I could drop a pie by a house at Thanksgiving. Or I could just spend a few extra minutes on a front porch, listening and trying to understand. There’s almost always more we can do to be a friend.

And so I decided to explore in a story the idea of what it means to minister to needs through friendship. Hopkin Fleet and his mother want to help their needy neighbors. But until the Flops understand that the Fleets want to be friends, their overtures are not accepted. The Fleets have to leave their comfort zone, inviting the Flops into their personal space, sharing themselves as well as their things. They sacrifice to come alongside their neighbors in a crisis. And when the crisis has passed, the result is a beautiful garden—and a friendship—lovingly planted and cared for.

Read the opening pages of Eileen’s chapter book for young readers, Buttercup Hill.